Thursday, June 30, 2011

Meet the Team: The Elm St. Nightmares

We're several bouts into the 2011 season, and by now you've seen all of the GSORD home teams in action on the track. You've met all the teams. You've admired their uniforms. You've marveled at the athletic feats the skaters on each team are capable of performing. Maybe you've gotten some of your favorite players to autograph your program (or your body). But what else do you know about the teams? There are mysteries and wonders that can only be known if you peel back the outer layer of the league and take a closer look.

Over the next few weeks, watch this space for fun facts about the GSORD home teams. In today's installment, we will begin by delving into the lore surrounding the league's most horrifying team: the Elm St. Nightmares.

The Nightmares are known by their characteristic snarls, their blood-chilling screams, and their chants of "Skaaa..." meant to intimidate their opponents. Some say that these skaters were born good and turned bad; others aren't so hopeful. What everyone is sure of, though, is that the Nightmares are characterized by a bold, almost demented style of play. Although this often causes them to end up in the penalty box, it's a calculated risk for the Nightmares. A chance not taken is an opportunity denied.

Some facts about the individual Nightmares:

  • Molly Flogger: the captain of the Nightmares, a terrifying force on the flat track. An all-around player who jams and blocks with equal vigor and skill. Rumor has it that Flogger may once have eaten a baby.
  • Annie Lastwords: Flogger's co-captain and partner in horror. A gifted pivot and blocker, no one gets by Annie, and when they try they often find themselves uttering their Lastwords.
  • Miller Lightnin': one tall glass of the hard stuff. Miller Lightnin' is a formidable blocker, but it's when she's hurtling through the pack and giving her opponents a heck of a hangover that she really shines. She performs her eviscerations pleasantly, while flashing a winning smile.
  • Rae Diation: One of the Nightmares' best jammers. As a service to her opponents, Rae Diation thoughtfully limits their exposure by quickly making her way through the pack and around the track. Some say she glows in the dark.
  • Pomona Bomber: Happy to play any position, Pomona Bomber dive-bombs the opposition and plays with heart. She takes and gives hits with equal aplomb, and there's no getting her down because she always gets back up.
  • Anne MaRIOT: This ninja-esque Nightmare is of the sneaky persuasion. She takes her opponents by surprise while still hitting clean and legal. Don't even try to predict a riot, because you won't see it coming.
  • Blonde Burgundy: One of the Nightmares' most formidable blockers and kind of a big deal, Blonde Burgundy excels in the Pivot position. In addition, she has many leather-bound books and her house smells of rich mahogany.
  • Brody Slaughterhouse: This Nightmare can take a hit with class, and give it right back even harder. With her skillful positional blocking, she leads opponents right to the slaughterhouse.
  • Sheeza Pistol: The name says it all. After a hit from Sheeza Pistol, opponents feel as if they've been pistol-whipped. And they have.
  • Pickle Joose: That unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach isn't because you just drank a jar of pickle juice. It's because you're being pursued by Pickle Joose, one of the Nightmares' fastest skaters. Don't even try to keep up, because you won't be able to. You may have also seen Joose in her signature white unitard, cheering on the league's travel team, the Gate City Rollergirls.
  • Pleather Tuscadero: This all-around player is as resilient as fine Corinthian leather but not nearly as fussy. One thing's for sure: opponents won't be experiencing any Happy Days while she's on the track. 
  • Emma Ture: The "spirited child" of the Nightmares, Emma Ture is a living tantrum on eight wheels. Opponents try to catch her when she runs into traffic onto the track, but they rarely succeed.

And, of course, no team would be complete without coaches. The Nightmares' coaches, Captain Moobs and The Godfather of Roll, provide the team with guidance and support. These gifted senseis of the sport have much to offer. They devise drills to keep the Nightmares on their toes (or wheels, as the case may be) and know each skater's strengths and challenges.

The Nightmares will be playing the Battleground Betties on Sunday, September 18. But you can meet the Nightmares at any of the league's upcoming events. Check our website or Facebook page for updates.

Keep an eye out for the next installment of Meet The Team! Next up: the Mad Dollies.

No comments:

Post a Comment