I read a great article recently about letting go of things that hold you back and cause you unhappiness or stress. It spoke to me loud and clear, especially when it talked about letting go of fear. I've said this in previous blog posts but humor me. I was afraid of skating when I was younger. From time to time, my desire to try something overcomes my fear of it and I face it. That's exactly what happened when roller derby came into my life. Now, I no longer fear skating but I've still got quite a few other fears I need to face and have had to face along my journey.
It's sad to admit this, I suppose it was how I was raised but I HATE being in the way. I know what you're thinking: "That's part of what derby is about!" For example, when sprinting around the track, I typically get out of the way of the faster skaters. The only way I can explain it is that it's just my natural instinct. One of our skaters, the amazing Ka$h Honey, told me that I need to get in their way. Basically, skate the diamond pattern and stay there. The better, faster skaters will find a way around me. The idea of annoying people really bothers me(another reason I get out of the way) but I know that the only way I will get better is to push myself, which is what she was saying. I fight fear every time I'm on the track but I know that while I'm doing that, I'm getting better.
I would also be kidding myself if I didn't admit my fear of getting hurt. The probability is high and it's not even the pain I worry about as much as being off skates. The idea of losing ground on my progress as a skater and having to "start over" is scary. Many people have done it and I admire them because just getting back on skates after a serious injury takes courage. I've spoken with a few of our injured skaters who are returning to life on the track and getting back out there was not easy for them. They were concerned about re injuring the same area and being able to get their endurance back where it needed to be. It's a relief to know I'm not alone in my concerns.
I think this is where the love of something takes over, though. If derby means enough in your life, then you do what is necessary to keep doing it. For me, I believe it would mean facing some of my mental blocks over again and maybe even new ones. That's the risk, though, and I can't fear what may or may not happen.
I could go on but I'm sure you get the point. I have many goals for myself and the only way I can achieve them is to push myself even further out of my comfort zone. That's the only way I'll grow in this sport. I'm proud of the progress I've made and one day I hope to look back and laugh at the things I once feared.
The Worst Noel