I may vomit on the rink, and other worries.

Full disclosure. I am partially crazy. But if you play on my roller derby team, you already know that and kind of love me for it. Especially if you are a Nightmare. I have a tendency to get super nuts when something awesome is about to happen to me. Hot guy leaning in for a kiss? Mini throw up in my mouth. Headed to Carowinds? How bout I get in a wreck halfway there out of sheer nervousness! First roller derby bout? Sorry guys, can't make it. I am full on freakin'.

Okay, so most of that stuff hasn't really happened. Okay...all of it has...but I did actually attend, play in, and not die at my first roller derby bout. The following is how I think I managed to survive.

1. Have a scary person on your team slap you in the face (I prefer Flogger, Wifey (Schoolya), or Emma Ture). Steal my go to slap people and you are Dead To Me.
2. Know the rules. This seems simple, right? But it isn't. There are so many GD rules in roller derby it can literally make your head spin. Don't worry about it too hard though. No matter how hard you study, you can never prepare for your first major...which leads me to my next point...
3. Be nice to the refs. The NFL's refs are paid. Kind of a lot, when you think about it. But their job is f'in hard. They tell guys like Michael Vick they did Something Wrong. Uh, I don't want to do that. But our refs are volunteers. VOLUNTEERS. In theory, they are keeping us safe. So be nice to them from the start. Let the fans yell at them...and then buy each ref a beer afterward. Also, don't act superior to them because they are dressed like Zebras.
4. The night before the bout try to get some damn sleep. You won't, but at least try. Maybe even work on those “visualizing” techniques people keep talking about. Scientists said they work!
5. Eat food that doesn't come in a bag. Have a nice salad, maybe some grilled chicken even. Ask the vegans on your team what they are eating, cause God knows they eat better than your carnivore ass. But don't eat fast food. (Shush haters! Do as I say not as I do.)
6. Find the other crazies on the team. I won't call anyone out (*cough*Ripper*cough*), but I am not the only one who gets bananas on derby day. It is just in our blood to FREAK. You know how misery loves company? So do freak outers. Find your fellow freak outers so you don't feel judged (and to clarify, no one is actually judging you...there are two kinds of people...people who can't contain they are nervous and people who hide it very, very well). Dammit people with low blood pressure! Quit showing off how relaxed you are!
7. Have a super rad outfit. This helps, a lot. The hotter you look the less likely they are to institutionalize you, because it isn't 1952 anymore. Also, I feel more confident when I like what I am wearing. Take your time making sure everything fits and moves well with your body shape and that your number is clearly tacked on. There is no bigger buzz kill than getting a penalty for your number falling off. I am talking straight up Buzz Kill.
8. Drink lots of water. Signed, Captain Obvious
9. Pretend like you are really involved with the National Anthem, because that happens directly before Your First Roller Derby Bout Starts. I mean, listen and all (AMERICA RULES!), but take deep breaths and realize the person singing is just as nervous as you are. There is some kind of comfort in that. (Am I sick?!)
10. Hug your friends on the other team. Make sure to do this at half time as well. As Ari says, Hug It Out. I hate Entourage, by the way, but love that advice.
11. Say hi to your parents, family, friends, co-workers, and strangers you invited to the bout. They came because you asked them to. Make it worth it for them, especially because your mom is more nervous than you are. She birthed you and you are about to play a contact sport On Skates in front of her. Plus, where the hell did that unicorn tattoo come from?!
12. Okay...so your first jam. Don't worry about it. It is like being in a Pokemon cartoon your first jam...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! How did I get here?! Why is that zebra yelling at me?! But GOOD NEWS PEOPLE! New Jam! There is always a NEW JAM. This applies to everything in your life. There is always, always, always a new jam. And sometimes (nods to Moloko) you gotta call off the jam.
13. Pretend your 12 year old self (eye patch and all...yes, jerk faces I work a damn eye patch!) is in the audience watching this bout. She thinks you are f*cking AWESOME! Smile at your invisible twelve year old self and pat yourself on your disgustingly sweaty back, 'cause face it dude-YOU ARE AWESOME.
14. After about your third jam you are probably starting to realize how awesome roller derby is. How all that hard work has finally paid off. Did I mention you were a rock star? Not to brag or anything, but I got MVP my first bout. I accepted my award after I vomited outside the emergency exit.

So, here it is guys. My first bout advice. I am like Buddha right? Buddha who has no ability to write a proper paper.

Just a side note-the nervousness never goes away. But when the hot guy/girl leans in for a kiss...Kiss their sexy ass right back!

XOXO

Miller Lightnin'  

Did you know?

Did you know that Roller Derby is one step closer to being featured in the Olympics?

In December 2010, "the Federation Internationale de Roller Sports (FIRS) met for their Congress assembly during the World Roller Figure Skating Championships in Portimao, Portugal on Saturday, December 4^th.  The central committee met prior to the assembly on Friday, December 3^rd.  During the central committee meeting, USA Roller Sports gave a presentation on the rapidly growing sport of roller derby and requested that FIRS recognize derby as another one of the federations’ disciplines.

USA Roller Sports (USARS) is pleased to announce that their request was granted and roller derby is now an official discipline of FIRS- one step closer to the Olympic movement!"

(click here for the full article: http://usarollersports.org/news/2010/12/22/firs-recognizes-roller-derby/40199)

We've come a long way!

xoxo, Jess the Ripper

Upcoming Events

After a year and a half, Greensboro Roller Derby is finally (primarily) based out of Greensboro!! Go figure. We're still bouting in High Point, but the league is now back home in some sweet, warehouse rental digs. Please come celebrate with us at our wareHouse warming, and take a look at how we've grown with the help of your love and support. And we're having a 90's theme, y'all, so come dressed in your freshest threads (no ...pressure).

$5 entry fee (Cash only!). Yo! That gets you:

2 derby bout expos:
-Fresh Meat debut in The Ravers vs. The Grungies
-GSORD vets in SAVED BY THE HELL: The Kelly KaPOWskis vs. The A.C. SLAYters

Live performances by:
-Decoration Ghost (https://www.facebook.com/p​ages/Decoration-Ghost/1037​11407395)
-Sterogram (www.reverbnation.com/stere​ogram)
-Emily Stewart and the Baby Teeth (https://www.facebook.com/p​ages/Emily-Stewart-The-Bab​y-Teeth/121531827905903)

Games for adults and their kids! Bring your bathing suit, kiddies, and stay (too) cool!

We are going to be grilling and selling hot dogs and hamburgers (w/ vegetarian and vegan options), as well as ice cold beverages (again, cash only!).

AINT NO PARTY LIKE A GSORD DANCE PARTY!! Release yo' delf with Larry and DJ Bonzani on the 1's and 2's from 10pm-Midnight.

Artwork revealed by:
Justin Ensely
Isaiah Ronan and Morgan Joyce
Jolie D.
Tristian Miller
Eric Moss
Cheri Moser
Houston Patton
Louise Calhoun

SCHEDULE:
5-6pm: art opening/open skate
6-6:30pm: The Ravers vs. The Grungies
6:30-7:15pm: live music
7:15-8:30 pm: SAVED BY THE HELL
8:30-9:15PM: live music
9:15-10: live music
10-midnight: dancing!

Meet the Team: The Elm St. Nightmares

We're several bouts into the 2011 season, and by now you've seen all of the GSORD home teams in action on the track. You've met all the teams. You've admired their uniforms. You've marveled at the athletic feats the skaters on each team are capable of performing. Maybe you've gotten some of your favorite players to autograph your program (or your body). But what else do you know about the teams? There are mysteries and wonders that can only be known if you peel back the outer layer of the league and take a closer look.

Over the next few weeks, watch this space for fun facts about the GSORD home teams. In today's installment, we will begin by delving into the lore surrounding the league's most horrifying team: the Elm St. Nightmares.

The Nightmares are known by their characteristic snarls, their blood-chilling screams, and their chants of "Skaaa..." meant to intimidate their opponents. Some say that these skaters were born good and turned bad; others aren't so hopeful. What everyone is sure of, though, is that the Nightmares are characterized by a bold, almost demented style of play. Although this often causes them to end up in the penalty box, it's a calculated risk for the Nightmares. A chance not taken is an opportunity denied.

Some facts about the individual Nightmares:

• Molly Flogger: the captain of the Nightmares, a terrifying force on the flat track. An all-around player who jams and blocks with equal vigor and skill. Rumor has it that Flogger may once have eaten a baby.
• Annie Lastwords: Flogger's co-captain and partner in horror. A gifted pivot and blocker, no one gets by Annie, and when they try they often find themselves uttering their Lastwords.
• Miller Lightnin': one tall glass of the hard stuff. Miller Lightnin' is a formidable blocker, but it's when she's hurtling through the pack and giving her opponents a heck of a hangover that she really shines. She performs her eviscerations pleasantly, while flashing a winning smile.
• Rae Diation: One of the Nightmares' best jammers. As a service to her opponents, Rae Diation thoughtfully limits their exposure by quickly making her way through the pack and around the track. Some say she glows in the dark.
• Pomona Bomber: Happy to play any position, Pomona Bomber dive-bombs the opposition and plays with heart. She takes and gives hits with equal aplomb, and there's no getting her down because she always gets back up.
• Anne MaRIOT: This ninja-esque Nightmare is of the sneaky persuasion. She takes her opponents by surprise while still hitting clean and legal. Don't even try to predict a riot, because you won't see it coming.
• Blonde Burgundy: One of the Nightmares' most formidable blockers and kind of a big deal, Blonde Burgundy excels in the Pivot position. In addition, she has many leather-bound books and her house smells of rich mahogany.
• Brody Slaughterhouse: This Nightmare can take a hit with class, and give it right back even harder. With her skillful positional blocking, she leads opponents right to the slaughterhouse.
• Sheeza Pistol: The name says it all. After a hit from Sheeza Pistol, opponents feel as if they've been pistol-whipped. And they have.
• Pickle Joose: That unsettling feeling in the pit of your stomach isn't because you just drank a jar of pickle juice. It's because you're being pursued by Pickle Joose, one of the Nightmares' fastest skaters. Don't even try to keep up, because you won't be able to. You may have also seen Joose in her signature white unitard, cheering on the league's travel team, the Gate City Rollergirls.
• Pleather Tuscadero: This all-around player is as resilient as fine Corinthian leather but not nearly as fussy. One thing's for sure: opponents won't be experiencing any Happy Days while she's on the track. 
• Emma Ture: The "spirited child" of the Nightmares, Emma Ture is a living tantrum on eight wheels. Opponents try to catch her when she runs into traffic onto the track, but they rarely succeed.

And, of course, no team would be complete without coaches. The Nightmares' coaches, Captain Moobs and The Godfather of Roll, provide the team with guidance and support. These gifted senseis of the sport have much to offer. They devise drills to keep the Nightmares on their toes (or wheels, as the case may be) and know each skater's strengths and challenges.

The Nightmares will be playing the Battleground Betties on Sunday, September 18. But you can meet the Nightmares at any of the league's upcoming events. Check our website or Facebook page for updates.

Keep an eye out for the next installment of Meet The Team! Next up: the Mad Dollies.

Preventing Injuries

We all know, that roller derby is a fast paced, full contact sport, where injuries are inevitable. But, there are a few tips that you should follow to make sure that your risk of injury is reduced:

1.) Wearing correct protective gear: always make sure that your elbow pads, wrist guards, and knee pads are securely fitting. You want them to be tight enough that they won't fall or slide off when you are skating. I usually tighten my pads after warming up, because as I start to get sweaty, they start to slip and slide. It is also a good idea to check your pads regularly for wear n' tear. It is also important to wear a proper fitting mouth guard and helmet. I often see women skating around with their helmet pushed up- it is important to keep your helmet pulled down, so that it is right above your eyebrows. If you fall face first, you will be glad that your helmet hits the ground first instead of your nose.

2.) Remember to get enough rest: this doesn't just mean get a good night's sleep- this means to rest your muscles, too. You know how your muscles get sore after practice? It is because you have trained hard enough for your muscles to tear slightly, and your body needs time to repair them, resulting in stronger and bigger muscles. Having a fatigued body will make training dangerous- Fatigue makes you sloppy and being sloppy will get you injured. If you do decide to work out between practices, try to work only on those muscles not used during competition; the only concession being the core muscles, which can always use a good conditioning.

3.) Know your body: it is important to know your body and your limits. It is better to sit out a practice or two if your knees are sore than to keep falling on them. It is crucial to know when your body needs a break- don't push yourself so hard that you get an injury or make an injury worse. You have to take care of yourself outside of roller derby, too. Ice your joints after every practice. Taking a couple ibuprofen will help with inflammation. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt. Eat healthy. Stay hydrated. Take a multivitamin. Nutrition is key- eat as many whole foods as possible and skip that processed crap.

4.) Warming up and Cooling down: always allow for warm up time before practice and cool down time after practice. "Experts agree that the main purpose of warm-up is to increase the blood circulation in order to raise both the general body and the deep muscle temperatures, which in turn help to heat up the muscles, ligaments and tendons in preparation for more vigorous activity. A proper warm-up provide many benefits due to elevated temperatures associated with it. The likelihood of injury is reduced. Athletic performance can be improved. The warm-up increases muscle efficiency, reduces potential for muscle pulls, improves reaction time and improves the speed of movement of muscled and ligaments. Proper warm-up can also help reduce the severity of post-exercise muscle soreness. The higher temperatures and increased blood flow resulting from warm-up are important for delivery of oxygen to the muscles and for prevention of build-up of unwanted waste products which can lead to muscle soreness." (http://www.entraineurdefoot.com/Tousienglish.html). Cooling down after practice includes stretching! Stretching after practice is a critical part of practice because it not only improves flexibility and prevents injury, but increased flexibility of the neck, shoulders, and upper back may improve respiratory function.

Derby love,
Jess the Ripper

Upcoming Events

 

June 11th, 2011

Gate City Roller Girls vs. U.R.G.E (away)

Greenville, South Carolina

Visit the Facebook Event for more information.

June 18th, 2011

Let the Beat Build! 

Doors @ 9
Glenwood Coffee and Books
1310 Glenwood Ave, GSO

$5 cover (addition donations welcome)... proceeds go to OPERATION XCEL (local nonprofit after-school/ summer program that assists youth with learning disabilities and general educational needs) and GREENSBORO ROLLER DERBY (your local neighborhood bad-asses)

18 and up...
valid I.D.s required

GREENSBORO ROLLER DERBY AND OPERATION XCEL TEAM UP TO PROMOTE EDUCATION AND COMMUNITY BUILDING! HELP US SUPPORT AND SPREAD THE WORD...
TELL A FRIEND OR 10!

N'DANGR SPECIES
ILLPO
VETERAN ASSASSINS
MC CATACLYSM
AMARIS
CUFF LINKS
...with DJ WES

DANCE PARTY IMMINENT!

Visit the Facebook Event for more information.
www.operationhomework.org
www.greensbororollerderby.com

June 26, 2011

Battleground Betties vs Mad Dollies

Skate South
208 W. Fairfield Rd.
High Point, NC

Doors @ 6:30pm
Bout @ 7pm

Buy tickets HERE!

See you on the flat track!

Protective Gear...one of your greatest investments.

Roller Derby comes with hits, falls, bumps and bruises.  There is an obvious reason why we are required to wear mouth guards, elbow, wrist and of course knee pads.  There are a bunch of brands to choose from when it comes to pads, for example, pro-teck, triple-eight, and my personal choice 187. 

I have found that for myself, and many other ladies whom are a part of my league that 187's Pro Knee Pads.  These are pads that skateboarders use so the knee caps are pretty indestructible.  But, if you do break one 187 will replace them.  Sin City Skates (http://www.sincityskates.com), a popular derby website says:

"The cap "pour point" is also on the side (instead of on the top, where there is already a lot of stress) for these, so they are much harder to crack, and easier to replace if they do."

 

Compared to some other knee pads, these may seem expensive at $65.00 but I would not skate with any other knee pad.  The pro-knees have a thicker padding that is great for impact but the fabric is also a "quick dry" material, making washing easier. 

When I first made the switch I didn't think that I would like them since they are thicker than other pads; I thought cross-overs might be harder but after a lap or two I was ready to go!  I did not feel the falls as much as I had before and actually felt like I could control my knee falls, being able to pop up more easily. 

Check out all of 187s gear at http://www.187killerpads.com/

Derby Love,
Brody Slaughterhouse  

Upcoming Events

Greensboro Roller Derby Yard Sale

Saturday, May 21st, 2011
7am - 1pm

Guilford Dairy Skate Shop parking lot

1616 W. Lee St.

Greensboro, North Carolina

The lovely ladies of Greensboro Roller Derby are strapping on skates and hauling out this and that for a yard sale. Come out and support your favorite derby team (and the first and only team representing the Gate City). Take home Betty Rumble's leg warmers, East Pound-her Down's favorite coffee mug, Molly Flogger's retro chair, or General Sew's record collection. We'd love to see you!

**If you're interested in donating items, please contact Ann What?! at fundraising@greensbororoll

erderby.com.

RSVP to our Facebook Event
Check out Guilford Dairy Skate Shop

Greensboro Roller Derby Presents The Mad Dollies vs The Elm St Nightmares

Sunday, May 22nd, 2011

7pm - 10pm

Skate South

208 W Fairfield Rd

 High Point, NC

Come out and watch as Greensboro Roller Derby's zany, sassy, fierce Mad Dollies take on the cutthroat, chancy, formidable Elm St. Nightmares in the 2nd home team bout of the season. Cheer on your favorite team as they go head to head in a battle of speed, agility, strength, and charm in a fashion that only roller derby can achieve.

Doors- 6:30 pm
Bout- 7 pm

$10
$8 college students (w/ ID)
12 & under - free

A portion of the proceeds will go to The Red Cross for tornado relief in the southeast.

RSVP to our Facebook Event
For more info about the team and to buy tickets online visit www.greensbororollerderby.com.

A Fresh Meat Update

Do you ever get that... not-so-fresh-meat feeling? My fellow Freshies and I do. Back in January, we took the plunge and began learning the skills involved in playing the coolest sport ever: roller derby. (See my earlier post here.) But now it has been almost four months since we began this journey, and reality is setting in. While we still love derby just as much as (or maybe even more than) we did at first, we're not n00bs anymore. The giddy exhiliration of trying something new has given way to a fierce determination to master the skills so we can be drafted onto home teams and begin competing in bouts.

"We" is a pack of about twenty women (the exact number changes from week to week as lives get complicated, and we've lost a few members to injury, but we still consider everyone a part of the group and look forward to seeing them skate again), of all ages and seasons of life. Some are in that "old enough to drive and join the military, but still too young to drink" zone. Others, myself included, are in our thirties or forties--old enough to know better, as the saying goes, but still too young to care. Some are in college, while others are working or tending to young children (or both). Some of us are pair bonded with other human beings, while others are happily single, playing the field, or in burgeoning relationships. We really could not be any more different from each other, but the fresh meat experience has forged a fast bond between us. At thirty five, I'm older than the average skater both in my league and in roller derby in general. (According to the most recent WFTDA survey, 60% of skaters are between 25 and 34 years of age, and 25% of skaters are over 35.) Through derby, I've developed friendships with women not much more than half my age, with whom I might not otherwise cross paths. And I love every single one of my fresh meat comrades-in-harms.

Since we began skating back in January, our skills have gone through the roof. Girls who weren't at all comfortable on skates at first are now jumping cones. (Yes, jumping- with both feet leaving the floor. At the same time. In skates. It's exactly as hard as you think!) But some other things have changed, too. At first, we felt like guests in someone else's home. Whatever our trainers (usually Annie Lastwords, Captain Moobs, and Elizabeth Hauntgomery) told us to do, we did. And we looked to them for guidance about what was available to us and what was off-limits. But as we go deeper down the rabbit hole, we're taking more ownership of our experience. This also means taking on more responsibility within the league. It's not just about showing up and skating your heart out, although that's a big part of it. A league doesn't just run itself. It needs workers to stamp hands, move bleachers, raise funds. It wouldn't be fair to leave all those tasks to the established league members. So the Freshies are getting our dirty little fingers into all the pies.

So, what's coming up on our fresh meat horizon? That's easy. I think most of us are pretty preoccupied thinking about our minimum skills assessments, which will take place in July. These are the "tests" we have to pass to be cleared to scrimmage, and to be eligible for drafting onto the home teams. So yes, assessments are kind of a big deal. We work on the assessment skills at every practice. When we're not in practice, we're doing squats and lunges to get our bodies in shape to perform the skills right every time. We're running, swimming, and biking to build the endurance we'll need to pass. Despite all this work, if the assessments were held today, I know for certain I would not pass. It's intimidating to think about all of the improvements I need to make in the next two months to be able to pass. But when I think about where I started, back in January, it doesn't seem so impossible. Stay tuned for more updates, and watch your favorite home team's roster for new names in July!

Derby Love,

Pwn of Arc

Eight...Nine....Ten Glasses a Day

Hey Ya'll

Staying properly hydrated is important for everyone, but because athletes are particularly prone to dehydration, I thought it would be important to share some tips on staying hydrated. Not only is staying hydrated important for your overall health (water flushes out toxins and carries nutrients to cells as well as performs several other vital tasks) but according to a source on the runner’s world website dehydration can significantly lower an athlete's performance. It is recommended by the Institute of Medicine that women drink approximately 2.2 liters (9 cups) and that men drink 3 liters (13 cups) (there was not explanation for the gender difference).

*If you are exercising it is likely that you should consume more water, and the American Council on Fitness had suggested that those doing moderate to high intensity work outs should drink:

 17-20 ounces of water 2/3 hours before you start exercising

  8 ounces of water 20/30 minutes before exercise

  7/10 ounces of water for every 10/20 minutes of exercise

  8 more ounces of water 30 minutes after exercise

Tips on Staying Hydrated:

            *Keep a reusable water bottle with you, this will encourage you to drink water through out the day. If you purchase a plastic water bottle try to buy one that is BPA free.

            *Add a slice of lemon or lime to flavor water naturally

            *Try to create a schedule to help getting in the habit of drinking more water.

            *To keep your water cold try filling it up half way, freezing it, and then toping it of with water (cooler drinks also help keep body temperatures down).

            *Alcohol and caffeine are both linked to an increase of fluid loss, if you are planning to exercise the morning after consuming either of these, remember to drink plenty of water before your exercise routine.

Derby Love,

Pomona Bomber