Sunday, September 4, 2011

What Would a Roller Derby Girl Do? (Or, WWRDGD?)

I like to skate fast, and hit hard like the rest of ‘em, which is probably why I am sitting here with my foot in a cast protecting the ankle I broke two weeks ago during practice. So while my leg’s elevated and my mood’s at ease, I am sort of forced to “slow my roll” and spend more time thinking. Recently, I was considering this:  If anyone else (outside Roller Derby) were in my position, what would they do during their recovery time? Then, that thought led to this one: What would a Roller Derby Girl do with her time?  That question will have to be answered in a different blog at a different time, because that thought led to this one: What things have I seen MY Roller Derby sisters do from time to time that define who they truly are?

Not everything I have seen is appropriate to mention, (you’ll have to attend after parties at your own risk) but there are some actions that I have witnessed or am privy to that shed light on the true nature of a Roller Derby girl…

Here are just a few:

A Roller Derby girl is the girl who shows up before 8 am on a weekend to coach you through a difficult component of the minimum skills requirement, waits patiently for you to try and try again, then comes running over and tackles you to the floor with a mind blowing hug when you achieve your goal.

She’s the girl who looks over her shoulder and sees you falling behind in a pace line and reaches out her arm to give you a whip so you can catch up with the rest of the team.

She’s the first one to celebrate the fact you threw up at practice today and reminds you it isn’t a good practice til someone throws up!

She’s the one who has the ability to produce an ice bag out of “thin air” for those painful bumps and bruises acquired from time to time.

She’ll gladly pass you her last few strips of duct tape to hold your worn-out gear together.

She’ll be the one who loans you the last $20 bucks she has in her skate bag so you can make it to payday.

She’ll be more than willing to beat anyone senseless with her skates if they attempt to harm anyone of her team mates.

She’ll be the girl who texts you at 11:30 pm to let you know you’ve been drafted to her team and she’ll always have your back, but she won’t have a problem telling you when your gear stinks so bad it’s gonna make her puke.

She’ll be the first one by your side to hold your hand and crack dirty jokes when you’re on the floor injured, then cheer from the sidelines as your wheeled out in a stretcher, sit beside you in the Emergency Room without wincing as the doctor resets your bone, then show up at your house the next day to paint your toenails in your team colors cause you can’t.

She’ll be the one who walks through your door carrying a pair of custom crutches also painted in  home team colors so you can sport your badass cast in style.

She’ll show up at your doorstep with a bangin’ hot meal and a basketful of your favorite goodies and movies when your significant other is forced to take care of the household while you recover from injury.

She’ll be willing to get all artsy, design, create, and order hundreds of humorous t-shirts, sell them, and give you the proceeds to help you pay your hospital bills (even for non-derby related incidents).

She’ll keep reminding you through IMs, text messages and Facebook statuses that your injury is temporary and soon you’ll be back on the track kickin’ass.

And when you are back, you’ll know exactly what you need to do!
Derby love,
Thistle Killya

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